'Thirty sounds old' -Hrithik

Published On: 2012-04-22

Author: unknown

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"Thirty sounds old"

Source: Mans World

Hrithik Roshan, 30

The actor just wants to be better than the guy next to him

BY THE TIME Suzanne and I got married, she was already my wife in my head. We had been seeing each other for six years by then. There was just a single big condition in my head. I had to be successful. I was positive that I would not take the responsibility of another life unless I was my own man. I was not going to let my family take care of me. We just hoped that my first film would be a hit. I got more than I had hoped for when Kaho Na Pyaar Hai released. Then there was no time to waste.

Suzanne and I were meant to be. I first saw her when I was 12 but was too shy to talk to her. Then I saw her at my sister's engagement. I told my best friend Uday Chopra, "See her? I am going to be seeing her some day." Then we pulled up alongside at a traffic signal some time later. And there was no looking back.
For me the buck stops with Suzanne. If she doesn't like something, it's out.
I think it shows more character if you are with someone you love and are intelligent enough to know that you have a life apart from your persona. The biggest superstars have all been married people. People sit in a movie hall to be taken away to a dream world, they don't see Shah Rukh Khan falling in love with Kajol and say, "but he's married to Gauri."

My childhood was not magical. I was not normal, I did not even consider myself normal. I did not fit in. I stuttered and I had a double thumb. Little girls, friends would look at it and run away. I felt betrayed by God, but it's OK. That helped me mature earlier, made me who I am. It gave me a perspective on the truth. I learnt to empathise with people and to be more sensitive. Later, as an actor I did not want to succumb to the escape of cosmetic surgery. Anyway, I was well loved bythe people who matter to me, how did it make me less of a person?
I was taken aback at how much Salman Khan helped me with bodybuilding. For a big star to take so much time for someone who would probably turn out to be a loser; it was incredible.

We recently bought three flats in this building. My dad told me, "Why don't you shift and we'll stay here?" But there was no way I'd shift without them. I can't imagine living apart from them. Good things happen to good people. Dad may have got shot, but in the hospital the doctors discovered his arteries were blocked and they immediately operated. He got a new lease of life.

It pricks me when I spend too much. As a child, we did not always have money. I remember my mother breaking down because there was no money at home. And the time when the whole family, my grandmother and uncle included, were kicked out of the building because there was no money for the rent.

When I first became dad's assistant on Khudgarz, I roughed it out with the crew. If I got sandwiches from home, I'd sneak off alone to eat them because I did not want to share. Theoretically we knew how hard life could be, but it was a revelation to see where all the amenities I was used to, came from. I was a bit spooked but I stuck it out eventually.

The most expensive thing I have bought is probably a watch for my mother, or perhaps a diamond for Suzanne. But shopping in crores? Are you crazy? My father will have something to say about it. He is the balanced one.
I am always in search of a true sense of self-worth. I think I am a pessimist sometimes, but I doubt my doubts too. I find the idea of being on top of a mountain very inviting. And that scares me. I am here, why do I want to get away? It's not good. But then, 10 hours on that mountain and I would be back here.

Fatherhood arises from an instinct, one that has not manifested in me yet. Things have been too hectic. I have just started enjoying married life since January this year.

Thirty sounds old. But when I am 50, I hope I am younger than the other 50 year-olds out there. Hopefully, I will still be anxious about my next step; hopefully I will still have a passion in life, and hopefully I would not have reached the mountain top. I don't care what I would be doing. I am not very ambitious. I just want to be better than the man standing next to me.