Source: Savvy Magazine
Typed by: Vanita
Today, the high point of my existence is that my family is rich in love and I would never trade this love for all the success and money in this world. Over the years, by far the good has outweighed the not so good. My husband’s career as a filmmaker is evolving superbly ad both our children, Sunaina and Hrithik, are well settled. Our home is filled with peace, love and harmony. Our children are very close (Hrithik once confided to a close friends that his sister is his weakness) and our children in law- Ashish and Suzanne love and respect us. Our granddaughter Surainika is the joy of our lives. Truly, God has blessed us abundantly.
I was born in Delhi and shortly after my birth we shifted to Mumbai. I have always detested my official name, Pramila and I like being called Pinkie. I am close to mom, but can speak to dad, J Om Prakash, about everything. My earliest memories are of us living in a one-room apartment in Andheri. My dad was struggling in the film industry and my parents even mixed bottles of water with my milk, as they couldn’t afford the tons I wanted! But the richness I enjoyed in terms or caring, sharing and loving is immeasurable.
When I was seven, dad made two hit films-‘ Aas Ka Panchi’ and ‘Aaye Milan Ki bela’.He bought a flat in Bandra and financially, we were on the upswing. But I was never pampered and was taught to value money. Dad continued making hit films and soon built a bungalow in Juhu. On completing my schooling, I wanted to join St. Xavier’s college with my friends. Dad being conservative preferred Sophia’s. Finally, he relented but warned me that if he heard any immoral stories about me, he would shoot me and himself!
Three months after joining college, mom told me I was getting engaged. I was so shocked that I did not even ask who the boy was. When I was finally told, I was thrilled and remember thinking WOW! He is so handsome. Every girl fantasizes about marrying a certain kind of a man- my fantasy was to marry a very good-looking man. Incidentally, dad observed my husband to be working at my uncle’s office as a production assistant while trying to make it as an actor. Dad later confided that he knew from his eyes that he was a good man; hence he approached my mom-in-law with a proposal.
I gave up college immediately after my engagement because mom wanted me to learn to handle household chores. A few months later, we were married- I was 17; he 22. Within the year, our daughter Sunaina was born. She is a very special child- not just because she is our first-born, but also cause my husband desperately wanted out first born to be a girl. She is also very special because she suffered and came through a very severe illness when she was three months old.
I consider our second child, Hrithik too very special because he was conceived after two miscarriages. His birth was a definite sign from above that he was mean to be.
Having children at such a young age was not easy for either of us as we were still growing mentally and emotionally- the actual concept of motherhood had not even sunk in. Also, I was madly in love and desperate to spend every moment with my husband but since he was struggling in the industry, he could not make time for us. Financially too, the going was tough but I was able to adjust because though my father was a very wealthy man, I had never taken to wealth. Like in most Indian households, my mother-in-law and I had our share of problems, which used to get worse when film magazines published them. The problems at home and his career struggle made my husband wonder whether there would be peace all around if we lived separately. So he rented a place for Rs 1,000 a month, even though we could ill afford it. But I insisted we all move into the new house together as I did not think it was right for my husband to live separately from his mother and younger brother. I was hell-bent on keeping our family united, every obstacle notwithstanding. I was also taught to respect, adjust and suffer in silence if need be just for the sake of peace and quite within the family.
Our problems continued and my husband tried his best to work out things without hurting either of us. I gradually began understanding that my mother-in-law was insecure and lonely because she had lost her husband at a very young age. So her sons and I made a concerted effort to spend more time with her. Our relationship improved tremendously and today, she appreciates me.
Meanwhile, my husband continued to struggle very hard to make it as an actor and later, as a distributor. And though he did see a marginal amount of success, he was unhappy, as the goals he set out to achieve still remained distant dreams. He then decided to produce his own films and this is how ‘Film Kraft’, his filmmaking company, was conceived. He produced a few films but creatively and financially, he still felt unfulfilled. However, I must admit that his determination to make it in life was so strong that he never gave up. I really appreciate and admire his perseverance and tenacity to keep going, despite the odds. He finally decided to get into direction with ‘Khudgarz’. Emotionally, I backed him wholeheartedly and we put every chip we had into this project. ‘Khudgarz’ was my husband’s last chance and I literally fought with God for his richly deserved success. Our prayers were answered and my husband went on to make around eight films.
During this period, Hrithik finished school and while at college at Sydenham, began to assist his father. Throughout he was treated like all the other assistants because my husband believed that Hrithik has to come up the hard way to appreciate the good things in life. I guess that’s the reason why Hrithik’s head is on his shoulders today.
As for Hrithik, he always wanted to be an actor and never lost sight of his dream even while assisting his father. He attended dance classes and learnt Urdu. He shot his first portfolio on the quite with Dabboo Ratnani and I was simply amazed at the results. I wanted to show the photographs to his dad but he flatly refused and hid them. He enrolled at Namit Kishore’s acting school, which again we did not know about, till he showed me a video recording of his histrionics. He had enacted a scene from a Raj Kapoor film and it was done so brilliantly that I cried while watching it. Expectedly, he did not want his father to see it but forgot to hide the cassette. Seeing it, my husband said, “he can act, he’ll make it.”
Around this time my husband made ‘Koyla’, which did not do well at the box office. Then began the story sessions with his team to develop this new film ‘Kaho Naa…Pyaar Hai.’ He realized that the subject required a newcomer and Hrithik could just fit the bill. At one such session, he told Hrithik, “ Duggu you are going to star in it.” Hrithik was stunned but later asked his father for four months to prepare himself.
I firmly believe that had my husband not set up ‘Film Kraft’, ‘ Kaho Naa…Pyaar hai’ would have never taken shape.After ‘Khudgarz’ and ‘Karan Arjun’, ‘Kaho Naa…’ was the third time we put everything we owed at stake. Our house and cars were mortgaged and the going was real tough. But I supported my husband completely, without a single reservation. He had but one vision: to make a good film. Throughout the shooting of ‘Kaho Naa…’ Hrithik was unhappy with his role and used to complain to me. I asked him to trust his father, while telling my husband to give Hrithik a meatier role. OH MY GOD, the silent tension between father and son at that time! Despite these tensions ‘Kaho Naa…’ managed to bring them closer. And once we saw the film, we were all very pleased.
So far, my life has been a never-ending roller-coaster ride. The year 2000 started off beautifully- ‘Kaho Naa… ‘ was a huge hit and our son was completely accepted by the audience. It was a huge high and we were on top of the world. It was one week or utter joy followed by a month of horror- my husband was shot at. That day, he called about Hrithik’s whereabouts and casually revealed his car had been shot at. Then he called Hrithik and told him the truth. Hrithik immediately phoned me with the news. I was shocked. When I called my husband, he nonchalantly revealed he was at Nanavati Hospital getting rid of a glass piece embedded in his shoulder. Meanwhile, Hrithik’s best friend Uday (Chopra) drove me to Nanavati hospital. On reaching the ICU, I found him lying on the bed bare-chested, staring at the ceiling, jeans soaked with blood. The doctors told me someone’s prayers were really working: the x-ray showed that the bullet had just gazed his heart. Truly, his escape was miraculous.
We were shattered but I knew I had to be strong for my family. The next morning, however, bought much more than hope for us. Seeing my husband smiling and cracking jokes in bed, gave us tremendous amounts of strength to cope with the calamity. His attitude was totally positive. His strength is truly amazing: instead of going to the hospital after being shot, he went to the police because he was sure no hospital would treat him unless the police recorded his statement. Since he detested from making a big issue of the shootout, we also relaxed and his stay at the hospital turned into a big picnic. The kid’s got a visitors book and all of us began to have a ball. That ‘Kaho Naa…’ was a huge hit and his son was accepted contributed in a big way to my husband’s almost-instant physical and mental recovery. He was just raring to go and couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital and celebrate. Incidentally, we were not aware that Hrithik wanted to quit the industry after the shootout. But I think his father’s never-say-die attitude gave him the courage to stick on.
Today we are taking one day at a time. We never discuss the shootout and refuse to make it an issue in our lives. We have never received any threatening calls still till date. My husband and Hrithik now have their personal security guards. It is really sad that the system did not offer my husband, a good citizen, security and he has to pay for his own security today. Though we dislike the idea of having bodyguards as they curb our freedom completely, we are learning to live with them.
Just like we are learning to live with the Hrithik Mania. For absolutely nothing could have ever prepared us for the craze that was unleashed after ‘Kaho Naa…’- it was maddening. Thank God, but success has not turned Hrithik’s head and he is still the same old Duggu. Just once before his film released, I found him giving attitude. I was disturbed because while bringing up my children I always stressed that they must be good human beings, no matter what. I just kept quite but he realized that I was unhappy and the next day onwards he was back to being himself. Yes, he was very upset about the South Africa and Nepal controversies and the fact that four people lost their lives in Nepal. However, I tried to make him understand that people were dead because of circumstances, not because of him.
Both Sunaina and Hrithik have always been very content children. Despite her father and brothers amazing success, Sunaina has not developed any airs nor turned materialistic. In fact, we look for occasions to gift her thing we want to and can now afford. My biggest regret is that the only thing Hrithik ever asked for, I did not give him- a computer. But one thing both the kids complained about always was why their father hardly accompanied us on holidays- the four of us only went on holidays thrice because of my husband’s hectic schedules. But despite work-related pressures, my husband literally spoilt me over the years by not letting me do anything for him. From making his own early morning tea, to packing his travel bags, to ironing his clothes-he does it all. Today though, he jokingly grumbles that I do nothing for him. I just tell him, since I was never given a chance earlier, I can’t possibly start now!
After Sunaina’s marriage, my husband has grown very close to her. They are very similar in their habits, likes and dislikes- just like Hrithik and me. Out tastes in music, books and films are identical. We both hate the telephone and are very sensitive. Just like I only refer to my husband as ‘husband’, he calls Suzanne ‘wife’. Even when he fell in love, I was the first person he confided in. When he told me about it, I asked him why he was so sad. He revealed because she was half-Muslim. I told him caste did not matter and asked who the girl was. When he told me it was Suzanne, I immediately told him that if he ever ditched her, he would have it especially since I knew Zarine, her mom. My husband echoed my sentiments. Shortly, we celebrated out twenty-fifth wedding anniversary and Suzanne, along with Hrithik’s friends, came for the party. My husband and I were so excited that out son’s girlfriend was around that we kept nudging each other and wondering who Suzanne was. A friend eventually pointed her out to us. We both looked at her and thought, oh, she’s very pretty.
When Hrithik decided to get married, my husband and I did discuss the implications his marital status would have on his career. But we both believe in destiny and since he was committed to Suzanne and he had promised her marriage once he could afford it financially, we too agreed it was the ideal time. The wedding date and venue had been fixed long ago but was kept under wraps cause Hrithik wanted to keep it private. They had a fabulous wedding and Suzanne’s parents made sure everything was perfect. They got married in the Muslim and Hindu rites. And since Hrithik always loved the idea of Christian marital rites, he also took Christian vows. Only when he had to say, “till death do us part”, he said, “till death and beyond”. What is really heartening is the fact that Hrithik’s marital status has not affected his career nor his fan following in any way. Hence, I’ve told him to keep thanking God as they have literally got the blessings from the entire world.
I need to thank God too for Suzanne as we share a very warm relationship. We discuss our problems, work out together, share recipes, love shopping and enjoy discussing clothes, makeup the works. I have told Suzanne to take over the running of our home and I now want to enjoy life. I want to make a special effort to make our relationship work and do not want a repeat of what my mom-in-law and I went through. Just like Suzanne and Hrithik made their marriage vows, we too have made our own vow- to sort our problems without involving our men.
I have already told Suzanne that she will need to have a heart of steel to be a star wife.For whether your husband is a big or a small star, rumors about his supposed liaisons will thrive. As for me, whenever I read about my husband’s supposed affairs with his female co-stars, it used to affect me and I would question him about it. The moment he said, “Ignore it, its not true”, I would let go- whether they were true or not. I never believed in bottling it up or confiding to my friends. I always went straight to my husband and talked it out. Believe me, this really helped our marriage. And I’ve told Suzanne to do the same with Hrithik. Incidentally, I got along famously with most of my husband’s co-stars. Like me, Suzanne too gets along with all hrithik’s co-stars and thankfully, refused to let the fabricated Kareena episode spoil their wedding day. By the way, even though we don’t know Shobha De, we have always held her in high esteem. But her writing about Hrithik and Kareena having a scene- that too on his wedding day- was awful and the entire family was miffed. Hrithik, however, took it in his stride and asked us all to relax.
I sometimes regret not being a working woman for atleast a few hours in the day now that my children have grown, I do have a little free time. I also find that husbands respect their wives a little more if they are working. Having a career of your own opens your mind and gives you a different perspective to life. And at the end of the day, I feel a working woman has more to offer than a non-working one. Hence I told Suzanne that the day she gives up her career in interior designing, I will stop talking to her. She is immensely talented and I really feel it is not right to waste God-given talent.
I once read a quote that the toughest task God gave was to a woman, to build a home. And I am happy that I have succeeded in this toughest task. I firmly believe women don’t need somebody to place a crown on their heads to feel worthwhile. Just imagine you are wearing a crown, walk tall and be happy.
Always believe in God and your inner strength cause it’s your inner strength what can move blocks off mountains in your journey of life.